Today would have marked 14 years.
Fourteen years since we said “I do”.
Fourteen years since we made forever vows, not knowing how short forever would be.
And even now, after all the days that have come and gone since you left, this one still makes my breath catch.
This day still matters.
Because love doesn’t stop counting.
Even when the calendar keeps moving.
I Still Remember
I remember everything about that day.
The way we were rushing so that I could get to duty on time.
The way you smiled like the world was spinning in slow motion and I was all you saw.
The promises we made…some spoken, some only felt.
We were young. Hopeful. Unstoppable.
And in so many ways, we still are.
Because what we built?
It’s still standing.
It lives in our children.
In the way they laugh, in the way they love.
It lives in the foundation of this home.
In the stories we tell.
In the love that hasn’t faded, only changed form.
The Ache Of What Could’ve Been
Every year, this date shows up like clockwork (especially those Iphone memories).
But grief doesn’t make it easier, it just makes it quieter.
It sits beside me as I whisper your name.
As I think about what 14 years might have looked like if you were still here.
Would we have taken an anniversary trip this year?
Would we have laughed over takeout and a movie at home?
Would we have danced in the kitchen like we used to?
There’s an ache in the not knowing.
But there’s also a strange kind of peace in knowing we really did love each other well.
And that still counts for something.
Loving Then…And Now
What makes this year different is that I’m not walking through it completely alone.
I have a partner who respects this day.
Who honors you, even though he never met you.
Who listens to me and lets me feel whatever comes up, without making it about him.
It’s a gift, really.
To be held in a new love that doesn’t try to erase the old one.
To be with someone who understands that grief and gratitude can sit side by side.
That a part of my heart will always whisper, “I miss you”.
And that whisper doesn’t diminish what I’m feeling and building now.
Fourteen years ago, I said “I do”.
And even now, part of me still does.
I do remember.
I do carry you.
I do honor what we had.
You may be gone, but the vows I made to love, to honor, to never forget…
I’m still keeping them.
This day still matters.
You still matter.
And I will always be grateful for the chapter you wrote into my life.
Happy Anniversary In Heaven…
La 💙
