Back To School, Still Missing Dad
The backpacks are lined up by the door. New pencils. New notebooks. New nerves.
It’s supposed to be a fresh start. But when you’ve lost someone, even the fresh starts feel heavy. Back to school season is bittersweet in our house, because we’re still learning how to do life without him. Every year we move forward, and every year we still feel that ache. Because one of their biggest cheerleaders, their dad, isn’t here.
But this year, we’re not carrying it alone.
When Grief Spills Into The Classroom
Watching my children navigate school while their dad was sick and then after he was gone, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced.
My oldest let his grades slip. Not because he wasn’t capable, but because his heart was breaking. He couldn’t focus. He didn’t care. While other kids were stressing over math tests, he was worrying if daddy would make it to the next holiday.
After we lost him, the guilt hit hard. He blamed himself, questioned everything, and carried far more than any child should ever have to.
And me? I had to hold that pain while trying to hold the rest of our lives together.
Grief In The Transitions
Even now, new school years stir up old sorrow. The “fathers name” line on the contact form. The empty seat at open house. The quiet moments in the car where no one says it, but we all feel it.
And still, we show up. We press forward. We remember and honor. Because grief lives in our story, but so does love.
Keeping His Presence + Making Space For What’s New
We’ve created rituals that carry his memory with us:
We write “dad notes” before the first day, telling him our goals and our nerves.
We wear something blue, it’s our way of saying, “he’s with us”.
We start the day with his words. My son reminds his siblings “dad would have told us to do our best and not trip out.” I say “let’s rock” just as he always did and they reply, “let’s roll.”
He may not be here physically, but his influence is still showing up in the way we comfort each other, the way we encourage, and the way we love.
Something else is also different now. There’s a new presence in our lives.
Someone who didn’t try to replace their dad, but instead stood beside the ache and offered his own kind of steadiness. Someone who helps pack lunches, fix backpacks, and whisper confidence into nervous little hearts. Someone who sees my kids fully and holds space for both their grief and their growth.
Parenting Through Grief…With Support
I used to carry it alone. Now I have a partner who chooses to stand in the hard places with us.
Who understands that love doesn’t erase what came before.
Who steps in, not to fill the shoes of a father lost, but to walk beside the footprints he left behind.
And when I’m falling apart behind the scenes?
He doesn’t tell me to toughen up.
He wraps me up.
He reminds me that even strong moms need a place to fall.
For The Parent Doing This With A Tender, Blended Heart
You are allowed to honor the love that was and embrace the love that is.
Your children can hold space for both without it being a betrayal to either.
A partner who helps carry your grief doesn’t take anything away, they bring in more love.
Back to school season can hold old sadness and new strength. You are living proof.
Back to school will always come with a bit of ache for our family. But now it comes with arms to help carry it. It comes with memories and new moments. With a dad we still love, and a man we love and who loves us enough to stay, support, and show up through it all.
There’s still grief. There’s still healing. But there’s also hope. And love.
And thats the kinf of classroom we get to grow in now.
La 💙
