The Loneliness Of Being The Strong One
People love to tell me, “you’re so strong”.
They say it with admiration, with good intentions, but sometimes it lands lie a brick on my chest.
Because strength, in my world, has always felt less like a badge of honor and more like a job description I never applied for.
It looks like cooking three meals a day for three hungry mouths, when most times, I’m too tired to eat for myself, paying the bills, wiping tears, answering emails, and somehow still remembering to schedule the dentist and doctor appointments no one wants to go to.
Strength means I’ve become the living, breathing Plan B. It means I’m the person called when things fall apart, even when I’m quietly falling apart too.
The Hidden Weight Behind “You Got This”
Silence. I don’t always share the midnight panic that rattles around my chest, because if I crumble, who’s left to catch the pieces?
Performance. I’ve mastered the art of smiling even when grief and my ability to overthink everything gnaws at my ribs.
Isolation. When people believe you’re unbreakable, they stop asking if you need help.
I’m grateful for resilience, truly, I am. But resilience without room for softness is a lonely place to call home.
How I’m Learning To Hold Both Strength & Softness
I won’t lie to y’all…I am still working on this one. Its taking me a lot longer than I expected to take my invisible weight and turn it into a shared weight. I am still dealing with the awkwardness of putting my weight, problems, etc…on other people, even if no one have a problem with sharing their weight with me.
My partner offers to cook dinner. Instead of hovering, making sure everything’s done to perfection, I sit, really sit and let the sounds of food sizzling and kid laughter wash over me.
Creating Micro-Spaces For Weakness
Five minutes in the bathroom, door locked. One deep exhale. A single tear if it comes. Strength is allowed to leak; the world won’t shatter.
Remembering I’m Still Human
Strong doesn’t mean superhuman. It simply means surviving with a heart that still chooses love.
Gentle Reminders for Fellow “Strong Ones”
• Your struggles are valid even if no one sees them.
• You deserve reciprocity, not just responsibility.
• Rest is not the opposite of strength; it is the fuel for it.
If today you’re tired of being the dependable one, know this:
There’s nothing weak about needing help, nothing shameful about saying, “I’m not okay.”
Take-It-With-You
Next week I’m releasing the “Solo Parent Energy” mini-guide filled with time-saving hacks, gentle affirmations, and real-life tips for parents who carry more than most. If you need a pocket-sized boost, make sure you’re on the list so it lands right in your inbox.
With understanding and solidarity,
La 💙
